Yes, you have just read that correctly, the title is indeed “Scary Penis Men” and for one good reason, men with penises (yes, obvioulsy they all have penises; well most I think) can be extremely scary in unexpected and normal situations.  Now, I have never really confessed these stories to anyone before but they are true and honestly once you have read them you might understand why. So why not write it in a blog? Makes a good read and you can laugh at my life 🙂 Sorry Dad if you don’t really want to read this, It’s probably not your cup of tea.

So let’s get started, case number 1.  I’d say I was quite young and I’ll give you some background info. My parents were house hunting in the Alicante area for a holiday home so we took frequent trips to Spain once they decided to buy one to do paperwork etc. We were always located in the same hotel in one of my favourite places, Torrevieja and whilst my parents were sorting all the boring stuff out I was left to my own devices, this is what happened…

I went to the playpark a few 100 metres from our hotel on the beach front (to watch the local spanish guys play football nearby) which was pretty basic, a rusty swing; a graffitied slide and two of those little motorbike things you sit on which look like they are stuck to the ground with massive bendy coils but nevertheless, i was enjoying the sun and view on my wobbly motorbike when a black man, and i mean black, the kind that you can only see their eyes appeared on the bench behind me. Me being me didn’t think anything of it and carried on wobbling my motorbike like a loony bit. But when I turned around a few minutes later his penis was out! And i mean out, he had pulled his trousers down and there it was like the Eiffel tower…I fucking shat it, like seriously, I was only young and took me a few seconds to register what the fuck was happening while he was saying “sit on me”. Fucking perverted gollywog! Anyways, I ran away to the hotel as fast as I could, I was actually terrified. I must say, I never did go back to that park again. I use to ask my mum to come with me and she would always say “don’t be silly, your old enough to go yourself” or probably “your too old to go the park”, either way she refused. Maybe it happened to her too but I highly doubt it considering she had never been.

So that’s a highlight of my teenage life with a scary penis man, but there’s more!

Case number 2. So one day I was sitting on the bus minding my own business, infect it must have been one of those late buses because I remember it being dark and there were only 2 people on the bus, myself and some guy maybe in his mid twenties; may i mention I was around 16 years old at the time. This bus was en route to Elgin a dump full of inbred scum; luckily im not originally from there my lovely hometown from this town called Buckie infact that place is even worse and whilst listening to my old skool MP3 player, something caught the corner of my eye, yes a god damn penis how unlucky can i get! This guy who i might also add looks horrendous, you know the type…greasy, fat, glasses not that I’m shallow or anything but you know, someone who doesn’t look after themselves. Anyway, this guy was having a wank, lovely!

But the creepiest part was that he was sitting opposite me and was getting closer and closer. Once again I shat it and ran away, well as far as I could which happened to be the front of the bus. I didn’t say anything to the driver because I’m stupid like that and never told anyone either.

I’m hoping there will be no more incidents like this to add 🙂 It was a while ago now but my god I remember it so vividly. I would of been perfect bait to attract the pedo ring apparently. Fucking sick bastards, they need their dicks cut off!

Cathryn Gribben

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